LISTEN

Communication is perceived as the life line of the human society. Communications encompasses a wide canvass in terms of styles, languages, variety etc.  Yet uniformly, the backbone of all communication remains one’s ability to LISTEN for it is then that we Let Interest Sustain To Enlighten Now. If we learn to appreciate the value and importance of listening, we would have become better communicators, more socially acceptable, have a wide social and friends circle and above all learn to value and respect all those whom we come in contact with.

Why is it that many of us are poor Listeners? The answer lies partly in our ignorance but mainly in our impatience and biases. Here are a few pointers to understand why we fail to LISTEN and we can then work on improving our listening skills by ironing out our personal limitations that we become aware about.

The misconception that talking holds the key to communication. Nothing is as ill conceived as the notion that the whole business of being an effective communicator lies in being able to talk incessantly. Alas, the notion is taken to ridiculous lengths especially when people meet in social circles, at meetings and definitely when one is in the company of friends and relatives.

Our craving to react rather than respond. The ego often tempts us to rebut, refute, allege, deflect, dissect and digress when we are at the receiving end of a communication. As a result, our mind is focused on immediately reacting to what we perceive to have heard or understood and the victim in the human folly is the power we could have held over the communication if we cared to listen.

Distractions that do not let us focus on listening. Apart from the physical conditions like extreme climatic conditions or poor sound quality or other noises that distract, we can be distracted by our limitations of understanding the contents e.g. Our disinterest in science and math’s. When we are distracted, we are focused on letting the communication directed at us come to an end so that we can escape from the suffocation, pain and monotony that we endured. Obviously listening has no chance to rear its head when we are simply shutting ourselves from the proceedings.

Comprehension of the communication becomes challenging. When the communication is liberally peppered with jargon, technical terms and a lot of philosophy the receiver of the communication is often left perplexed and bemused.

Personal limitations e.g. Prejudices, impatience, quick temper etc. When we participate in a communication process with a prejudiced idea or view point or when we are forced to participate in a process which does not hold our interest or if one is an agitated state of mind, listening would be a near impossible task. Our mind is already preoccupied and absorbing anything would be well nigh impossible.

So how does one try and improve one’s listening skills?

Be aware. A quick look at the points listed above and its relevance to us as an individual would quickly make us aware as to where we need to focus on in order to improve our listening skills. For starters talking less and learning to respond rather than react would dramatically enhance our listening skills.

Be motivated to listen. This is tougher than it seems because every communication situation would be different and finding the right motivation would test our creativity and our will power. To be motivated to listen one needs to find a reason to listen. One good way to be motivated is to visualize yourself as an important participant in the communication process. Another way is, to engage in the communication process with the hope of finding a suitable benefit in the communication e.g. the speaker / writer gives very good examples or shares very good anecdotes.

Prepare to listen. Students in particular or those going for a seminar would greatly benefit if they read up on the topic that will be the focus of the communication. Even a casual participant in the communication process can make an attempt to be prepared by proactively thinking, researching, collating information on the topic of the communication that they would be part of.

Paraphrase, clarify, jot down. Not every bit of the communication is relevant or important. The context, the individual motivation and the perceived benefit of the communication would vary from individual to individual. However every individual can actively listen and gainfully participate in any communication process by summarizing or paraphrasing and clarifying the messages. It works best when one takes the effort of jotting it down and subsequently revising it.

In conclusion it is clear that developing the ability to LISTEN is a key human learning that would be extremely useful to every individual because it allows one to Let Interest Sustain To Enlighten Now.

Action Points:

1. Take a sea shell and press it to your ears and concentrate and try and perceive the sound emitting which mimics the sound of the ocean.
2. If you reorganize the alphabets in the word LISTEN you will get another word that would give you the best hint on how to be a better listener. Can you identify that word?

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HEART

Within the confines of one’s HEART lies the key to life in its physical form but more importantly life in its emotional avatar for it  Holds Empathy Appreciation Respect & Trust. The ECG can at best give an output that mimics the state of one’s heart in its physical form but the true nature of one’s heart lies in the manner and mode in which one is able to cope with the people, situations and feelings that one has to face day in and day out.

While emotions are never triggered by the heart, there is a predominately romantic feel in associating all emotions with the heart. In particular the more positive ones like love, affection, kindness etc are always conjured up as emitting from the heart while the extremely despicable ones like hate, anger, revenge etc are associated with an evil and stone like heart. Consequentially the good and the evil are both given some space in the confines of the heart; with the former occupying a disproportionately larger area.

Love is the most common emotion that the heart is supposed to be filled with. While a heart is portrayed as the most visible cliché of a romantic shade of love, what it does not fully bring to the fore are the other shades of love like love for family, friends, objects and things. What is even less evident is the reality that the heart if used as the epicenter of positive emotion holds a wide range emotions that give purpose, meaning and positive energy in relationships. Let us examine a few of these.

Empathy- it is the equivalent of walking in another’s shoes. Only then can we know where the shoe pinches and we can appreciate their view point and perhaps even experience what they go through.

Appreciation- Many of us secretly admire others but rarely do we take the initiative to express our appreciation. Pause for a moment and look back at the numerous times we have felt elated when appreciated by others. It is not that we lack the ability to appreciate but what we lack is the drive and the magnanimity to express it.

Respect – This is all about acknowledging age, experience, expertise and being humble. Only one with a strong upbringing and a pure heart can have this in ample measure.

Trust – The simple adage Trust begets trust should be the trigger to help us express our confidence and belief in others. It is possible that occasionally our trust could be misplaced and we regret our mistake. However, that should not be an yardstick to judge others for each person is an individual different from others and each one inherently must be extended your trust.

In an ideal world an ideal person with the perfect heart would be the one who Holds Empathy Appreciation Respect & Trust in his/ her HEART

Action Points:

1. Here is a picture of a hear with a few spaces earmarked. Can you fill it up with other positive emotions that your heart possesses?
2. Can you outline some other English terms associated with the heart.eg. stone hearted, hearty laugh, large hearted etc. How many of these terms apply to you? 

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GYM

In today’s fast pace world, the hurly burly of everyday life has resulted in two big problems for the average to deal with; poor dietary habits (fast food, junk food, excessive eating, eating at odd hours, too much of aerated drinks and liquor etc) and stress (managing work life balance, meeting deadlines, working excessive hours, coping with tensions and pressures etc.) The awareness of these two very dangerous ills in our life is the first step to managing them. While the obvious solution is to get control over ones diet and to attempt to de-stress, the harsh reality is that the sheer magnitude of the problem is hard to cope with. The third alternative is to attempt to Get Yourself a Makeover and go to a GYM regularly.

By being regular at the gym, there are three advantages that come to the fore.

1. You ensure that the poor dietary habits are compensated for through a disciplined exercise regime.
2. It helps act as an antidote to the stress that one is subject to.
3. The body and mind are put in sync by the appropriate, controlled and regular exercise routine and the net result is a complete makeover of the personality.

Contrary to popular belief, body building is rarely the prime objective of anyone exercising at a gym. While many a youngster would under peer pressure and the influence of their heroes and icons beginning their gyming routine visualizing a muscular body, they often give up their pursuits for lack of motivation and their own tardiness. However for those who are more consciousness of their general physical looks and if that is coupled with the urge to keep fit the gym is the logical solution that meets their requirements. 

The real change that one experiences by being regular at a gym is in the manner we perceive ourselves; we feel healthier, feel nicer about our physical features and experience both calmness in our temperament and resilience within ourselves to cope with whatever life throws up. The positivity that seeps into our psyche transcends our being and spreads it’s aura around us and often makes a sublime transition into those we interact with.

Being regular at a GYM also makes one disciplined, enables one to slowly stretch ones limits and has limitless possibilities of toning up every part of one’s physique, strengthening one’s mental attitude and ultimately Get Yourself a perfect Makeover.

Action Points:

1. If going to a gym sounds difficult, draw up a personal physical exercise plan and an objective to be achieved within a specified time frame. E.g. Go for a walk daily beginning with a half an hour walk and slowly increasing it to an hour. This should help me lose 1 kg in 2 months or do a set of yoga exercises that will make me feel more fit, supple and refreshed.
2. Make a list of exercises that one can do during the work hour and at the work place that will supplement your need for physical exercise that you may not be able to commit to due to lack of time or the availability of convenient gym.

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FUN

There is no substitute to having FUN be it at work or play, when having company or when all alone, be it sunshine or rain and there is nothing as effective as a dose of fun when stressed for that is when each of us gets to Feel Upbeat Now no matter what.  The old adage ‘all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy’ lay stress in a subtle way on the importance of having fun in life. Of course in today’s day and age more and more enlightened corporate and organizations are ensuring that fun is a key ingredient in the work environment. No one is more blessed than one who has fun doing his daily work and enjoys equal fun otherwise too. 

 

So how does one try to have fun and feel upbeat now? The quickest way is to stop reading this post anymore unless you are having fun reading it.  If you are still continuing to read this post let me suggest 3 ways to have fun no matter what the situation.

Refocus on positives. When feeling low and depressed or if caught in an apparent vicious circle, keep in mind this one phrase ‘ this too shall pass’. Now try to see the reality as to what could have been worse? E.g. If you are stuck in what you believe is the worst job in the world, be grateful that unlike the jobless at least you have a job. Also focus on some positives in the existing situation e.g. you are diagnosed with an incurable illness be grateful that you have time to prepare for the worst unlike someone who has a sudden heart attack an is no more. Note that by refocusing on positives you are not getting rid of the problem but instead making an attempt to Feel Upbeat Now

Attract fun.  Transform yourself into a magnetic personality that attracts positives vibes, exudes refreshing energy and conjures creative ways to enjoy the moment. Not for a moment am I suggesting that one takes a nip or two (which often provides a similar effect immediately) but the key here is ensuring that you are surrounded by dynamic energy, positive vibes and enthusiastic vigor. Simple techniques include reading jokes, sharing jokes, dressing well, partying, entertaining, indulging in a passion etc. You spark the FUN and be certain that you will enjoy the warmth of the bonfire you have lit.

Stay grounded. The essence of balance is to ensure one does not tilt to any side. This means that troubles should not be seen as calamities nor the joys that come one’s way as a perennial gift. Yet, one must be able to feel the real pain that accompanies any sorrow and relish the ecstasy of the fortuitous blessings. Not enjoying the moment robs one of the gift of bliss and by not grieving when one must, there will be an emptiness that can never be filled. Life thereafter will never be fun because, one will live with remorse. Being grounded merely ensures that effects of lightening are felt in all its intensity but without permanent damage to one’s self confidence and personality.  FUN then is Feeling Upbeat Now because you turn yourself into the lightening rod that keeps you grounded to reality.

Action Points:

1. Make a list of all the synonyms for the word FUN. Now carry that list with you and also paste it where you can see it often. You can attempt to try and quickly move into one of those moods/ feelings when you are stressed, feeling low, annoyed, irritated etc.
2. From the list of words given below, identify 3 words that closely replicate your most negative feelings. Make a practical plan to tackle these negative feelings and improve your fun quotient.

Quick temper/ impatience/ jealousy/ sarcasm / negative attitude/ fear / spiteful/ egoistic / acidic tongue/  

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CHEERS

With the holiday season just over, the one expression that underlined the general feelings of people was their cheerful mood. What reinforced this understanding was the numerous parties and get together ‘s in which everyone clinked glasses with the loud refrain of CHEERS and what was evident was that it was a Collective Happy Exuberant Expression of Rapport Symbolized . Yes young or old, friends and acquaintances, noon or night in the true spirit of fun and frolic would pour a drink and the teetotalers would perhaps make do with a soft drink, but uniformly and with great gusto and spirit would clink glasses and exclaim CHEERS.

Whatever the historic beginning of cheers, it is now the accepted norm to convey more than just bohemia and camaraderie for it encompasses gay abandon and is an inhibited expression of the beginning of ecstatic unadulterated fun time. However what makes the expression CHEERS even more significant is that it is a collective expression mostly shared in turns with a partner, thereby confirming individual affirmation to each other and it symbolically reaffirms the rapport one shares with the other. This implies that there are times when people who do not necessarily share a very close relationship or new acquaintances too can easily bond with simple cheers.

In real life everyone hopes to be cheerful all the time. However that is easier said than done. Maybe the word cheers convey the hope that at least briefly, one can hope to be in good spirits and be happy. Ironically this need to be pepped up and cheered has transcended into a whole new arena of professionally trained cheer girls and cheer leaders performing routines to keep sports audiences and players all fired up and excited.  This is perhaps a far cry from the origins of the word cheers, but it never the less retains the broad spirit and message. 

Cheers has also migrated to a new lexicon where sms and emails end with this small but effective closing. In part it conveys wishes of happiness both of the sender as wells as to the reader. In a broader sense perhaps it is used to take away the formal ending and making it more personalized.  Notwithstanding the origins of the word CHEERS, the subtle transition of the expression, the frequent use of it and the uninhibited manner in which it is expressed, eloquently conveys Collective Happy Exuberant Expression of Rapport Symbolized

Action Points:

1. Do write up on one of the many write up on the origins of the word cheers by clicking this link http://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/22/messages/526.html
2. For teetotalers the word CHEERS would be a meaningless ritual when in the company of those having a drink. However don’t let that distract you from experimenting with your ability to be a loyal fan and member of a cheer party for your favorite sporting club/ team.

Power Act - from http://www.actspot.com/ is focused on -

Powering your Spirit to ACT Now.

You are also invited to visit our inspirational and motivational blog

http://www.actspot.wordpress.com