STROKE

For the average person, the word STROKE immediately conjures up a terrible image of a heart attack that leads to death. For the less panicky, depending on their favorite game the work STROKE can have a much more favorable image being seen vividly. The word instantly brings to mind some exquisite backhand down the line stroke or a forehand cross court stroke for tennis buffs and for the cricket enthusiast the same word could trigger images of an array of strokes executed by batsmen over the years. The golf enthusiast won’t be far behind either with some exciting and vivid imagination of his/her dream stroke. However, today we shall focus attention on a less well known but widely accepted and exceptionally useful concept of a psychological stroke which in effect could be seen as Stimulus Transferred Regularly Often Kindles Encouragement.

Broadly there are two types of stokes that one is generally aware of; the positive stroke and the negative stroke. However in real life a large number of people go around without getting any stroke. These are the unfortunate people who end up getting No Strokes and live a lonely life, walk around like lost sheep, lack self pride, feel insignificant and victimized and perceive the world to be against them. With this background we can attempt to understand how the concept of STROKEs has both relevance and utility to each one of us in our everyday life. In fact a better understanding of the topic would enable us to enrich our own life and positively impact the lives of the many people around us. 

While negative strokes ( like getting slapped, shouted at, insulted, blamed etc.) are seen as the most avoidable type of stroke, the subtle reality is that getting No Strokes is perhaps the worst emotional and psychological trauma for a human being especially since we are the most evolved social animal. To appreciate this it is essential that we need to understand what a no stroke situation is. Imagine a prisoner kept in an isolation cell. This is normally done to the most dangerous and violent criminal and the idea is the break the prisoner down since as a social animal he/ she need the company of other human beings. While none of us may experience this kind of isolation, imagine the plight of a machine operator working an 8 hour shift or a bus driver seated all alone in the driver’s seat without the benefit of frequent human interaction. Some may have had the experiences of forcibly being isolated when suffering from chicken pox and apart from the suffering from the illness, the loneliness and forced rejection by others may have worsened the trauma. 

When subjected to no strokes, the human tendency is to seek some stroke even if it is a negative stroke. An understanding of this reality can perhaps explain why last benchers in class are often disruptive, naughty and mischievous. This also could provide a clue to why bus a driver keeps blowing the horn or revs the engine of the bus whilst at a traffic signal provoking angry stares and possibly shouts and abuses from others around. 

Ideally every one craves  positive strokes. A smile is the simplest, cheapest and most effective positive stroke. A pat on the back, a word of praise and appreciation are other common means of extending a positive stroke. Positive strokes are of two types. When the stroke is freely given without any expectation it could be called a positive unconditional stroke whereas a positive stroke given with an expectation is a positive conditional stroke. An example of the latter would be a parent offering a reward for doing well in exams or a person obliging another in the hope of getting a return favor latter. Obviously the best possible stroke is a POSITIVE UNCONDITIONAL STROKE for that is when Stimulus Transferred Regularly Often Kindles Encouragement.

Action Points:

1. Over the next 1 week make a list of the different people with whom you had a chance to interact and who gave you strokes and classify the same into negative, positive unconditional , positive conditional and no strokes. For the same list of people and situations outline what kind of strokes you gave or times when you didn’t give any stroke. Examine your emotions for each recording.
2. What kind of strokes would you normally give to the following people

• A widower who is considered a crank neighbor by others
• Your boss or school/ college principal whom you meet on the road suddenly
• Your former girlfriend/ boy friend who you unexpectedly meet at a party
• The person at the check out counter who is slow, confused and obviously not well trained in his./ her job
• A key team member who did not turn up for a match because of an emergency that occurred about which you are not convinced.
• The person who scored first place by one mark over you.

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LAUGH

One of the most distinctive features of the human race is our ability to LAUGH. Invariably a good laugh as often as possible is recommended as the best therapy for a long, stress free and wholesome life. The essence of laughter lies in its uninhibited spontaneity and its accessibility to all, no matter what the circumstance or time. Laughter is usually reserved for comic happenings, a sharing of a joke or a wit and is the best stress buster if judiciously indulged in. It lightens the mind, frees the heart of anxieties perhaps momentarily and creates a bond between those around even if they are strangers. More than anything else, the strength of a good laugh lies in its positivity, its dynamism and its ability to help people share in the happiness of the moment by   the Loud Appreciation Usually Given Heartily.

Can one leverage the power of laughter? The answer to this question holds the key to the success of many people.  All of us spontaneously laugh when we see a comedy movie, read a good joke or enjoy the funny antics of a clown or some clownish behavior. However successful people leverage the power of laughter to enhance our self esteem, leadership skills and popularity. You too can enhance your popularity rating, improve your interpersonal skills and accelerate the pace of your growth and success by paying attention to the following 3 mantras related to your ability to LAUGH.

Learn to laugh at yourself. There will invariably be times when you become the butt of jokes unwittingly perhaps. One’s ability to laugh at one’s self determines how others view your maturity, your ability to take criticism and your temperament. Those who have perfected the art of laughing at themselves, occasionally use this art to poke fun at themselves and thereby endear themselves to the public at large. Gandhiji for example has drawn attention to his rather shabby handwriting and his ungainly features especially his ears and thereby making himself endearing to his audience. It was Pope John XIII who refereeing to his impoverished family background stated that there are 3 ways to poverty; farming, gambling and womanizing and then he went on to add with a chuckle, my father chose the most boring method of the three.

Ensure sarcasm as a means to evoke laugher is avoided. Sarcasm is actually making fun of others and thereby evoking laughter. The trouble with sarcasm is that its intent is suspect, the target is usually someone who cannot hit back and while there could a roar of laughter, there would be at least one individual who would be seething with rage for being picked upon. Sarcasm as a means to evoke a good laugh is fraught with the danger of others becoming wary of the sharp wit, the hurt to the individual outweighing the peals of laughter and an unspoken heaviness in the atmosphere despite them laughter.

Share, spread and sprinkle laughter wherever you go. There is a popular misconception that most of us are not naturally gifted to contributing to a good laugh. The simplest thing that one can do is heartily laugh at what one finds funny. If possible even compliment the person evoking the laughter. With a little daring you can even share a good joke or make a pertinent wisecrack and lighten up things. However avoid all tendencies to share smutty jokes, forward indiscriminately sms jokes and email jokes and watch out for jokes with racial, religious, cultural overtones. It is also rude to interrupt and tell the punch line of a joke told by another just because you have heard it. Nothing spreads as much cheer and evokes an uproarious laughter as telling a joke on yourself. You can be sure that if you are the butt of the joke you share, there will definitely be Loud Appreciation Usually Given Heartily.

Action Points

1. Think of your three favorite jokes. Can you narrate this in an interesting way without forgetting the punch line?
2. Think of three people who you have a healthy respect for. Is their ability to laugh or evoke a laugh one of their strengths that endear him/ her to you? Can you think of 2 people who are really fun to be with? Can you think of why they are so popular?

 Power Act - from http://www.actspot.com/ is focused on - 

Powering your Spirit to ACT Now. 

You are also invited to visit our DAILY inspirational and motivational blog http://www.actspot.wordpress.com/

SMILE

See My Instant Life Energizer and I immediately realize that my SMILE not only transforms me but impacts every one around me too. A smile can set anything right! Beginning with my mood, it brightens the environment around, charges the people interacting with me with positive energy and paradoxically makes life in general a lot lighter too.

A SMILE comes free, can be given free and you receive it manifold absolutely free. A smile is the antidote for worry, the visible sign of happiness and the hidden reservoir of warmth and cheer. Nothing breaks the ice faster between strangers, than a warm smile. It not only improves the face value but it even touches the heart. A smile can melt hardened hearts, give hope to the despondent, cement friendships, be the instant peacemaker and the omnipresent lingering image of a Loved one!

Action Points:

• Are you smiling in all your photographs- go check a few and ask yourself how come you were so happy at that moment. Many memories will come flooding back and you can again feel the smile on your face.
• Can you visualize the moments that felt heavenly when you got some smiles - it could have been  the smile from grand parents, parents or the smile from your favorite teacher in school or is it the smile from your spouse to be, when you both first met or the smile from your new born?
• Take up the challenge to smile daily at the most non descript people you meet – the cab driver, the lift man, the waiters in restaurants, ticket vendor behind the counter, the beggars on the street corner etc.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com  

You are also invited to visit our daily inspirational and motivational blog http://www.actspot.wordpress.com /